As I sit here, on a Friday night, less than a week removed from Pro Du Nationals, my legs propped up, body slightly tired from a hard week of training, I realize that my head hasn't been this clear in years. However, a few close friends (and coaches) would tell you that just 4 days ago that wasn't even close to being the case. Allow me to elaborate.
A week ago, I was sitting in a hotel room in Tucson, AZ, trying to fall asleep before tackling the first really big race in over a year - Pro DU Nationals. And from the outside, everything looked to be on point. After taking 12 hours on Thursday to get to Tucson from Chicago ( a 3 hour trip) and over-coming a lost bike issue, I was well-rested, and physically ready to go. I knew it was hot, and knew we were at altitude, that the sun would be blazing on race morning, but it wasn't anything I thought would be a problem. I was tapered and should have been thinking having success the next morning. But inside, nothing could be further from the truth. And that's not an indictment against my coaches. They did everything to a tee.
But I was already talking myself out of the race, allowing all the doubt to creep in and any external factor to get magnified. The heat, the lack of oxygen, all of it, dry mouth, and within the first few minutes of the race, I let it all unravel turning a race into a tough training day and kind of an embarrassing experience. This was supposed to be an "A" race, so why did this happen? B/c from the moment I stepped on the plane at O'Hare last Thursday I was not treating this race like anything more than an inconvenience. All I could think about was getting back home. So I am admitting here and now, the poor performance was on me - and my mental lack of preparedness. Why? Well, that's the 64,000 dollar question. But one thing was for certain - all the training in the world doesn't make you mentally ready to race. You can train like an animal, but if you can't bring it out on race day, it doesn't matter. And there's the rub - you can be a beast when training, but you can't be a lamb on the race course b/c no one gets a trophy for training the hardest. I sabotaged my own race.
My lack of faith in myself has nothing to do with anyone else, coaches, friends, competition or otherwise. So two days after being home, I was fortunate to hear from my friends and coaches - Jen Garrison and Doug Katona. Both provided sage advice, and in thier own way they both said - "race UNSCARED". That's going to be different from person to person. But when things don't go well, and they won't all the time, be an adult, own it, and learn. And from that, you can grow and improve and shed those fears with each passing day. So each day since Monday, that's exactly what I've been doing, shedding fears like unwanted weight, recognizing a very honest and real feeling - I am happiest when I am suffering the most doing what I love. That's real, and that is what I need to tap into on race day. And with that knowledge, I am hungry again, hungrier than I was at 21. So I took my knocks in the desert, and what a great wake up call it was. Its made every day since that much more exciting and important. So when things don't go your way, its ok, own the bad days as much as your good ones and trust me, if you do, your training, your racing, your life, will be better.
Stay strong,
Guy
Stay
