So, there has been something that has been bugging me for a while, (I know, "one thing?") but, I realized again this week why it needs to be addressed and fixed asap. I am talking about locker room etiquette, at your local health clubs. Now, I am going to speak primarily from a male's perspective, but, I have the good fortune of having some inside info on you ladies as well, so, you will not be spared.
As a multi-sport athlete, who doesn't swim, and really doesn't lift, most of my workouts are done outside, or at home, on my trainer. I love the convience of that, b/c having a computrainer and a pretty thick skin for the cold, has provided me great opportunities to get more fit, while avoiding the club. But, there are times, when you just can't. For me, I have my dreaded treadmill speed workouts, which my coach finds amusing, knowing I am miserable on it, smacking my hands on the console, getting funny looks for my outfits, and generally hating everyone staring at me.
So, I was at the club again last night, and sure enough, it hit me. Now, I don't mean that literally, but I have to tell you some guys come damn close, when parading around the locker room. Let's start with the walking around naked. My whole thing is, why? I mean, I know its all guys, but, you aren't at home, believe it or not. And then, what in the sweet name of Jesus, are you doing sitting your bare ass down on a bench, that other guys use to put thier feet on to tie thier shoes? Its a shock there aren't more cases of cholera reported every year from this activity. Are you insane? You are putting your ass where Joe just tossed his dirty work boots on top of, to dry your feet. Think about that. No really, think about it. Think about what Joe walks thru every day before hitting the club. Now, envision that on your rear end. You can go vomit now.
I know its mainly the older fellows who practice this, but it doesn't make it any more right. A lot of clubs have TV's in the locker rooms, where you can catch up on sports, business, etc. And some clubs have couches, that seem inviting. Now, if you want to stop and watch a bit, great. But do you need to watch TV without any clothes on, after you just got out of the sauna? Basically, you have now thrown your sweaty ass down on the couch, where others have probably done the same, and again, exposed yourself to God knows what, while watching the O'Reilly Factor. Now, I know some guys don't want to go home, but, the club is still NOT your HOME. If you want to go work up a sweat, take off all your clothes and sit on your own couch, to watch the ballgame, great, just let me know that's what you do before I get invited over.
If this was the biggest infraction, it would be bad, but, unfortunately, I have seen worse. At some clubs, they have several amenities, combs, shaving cream and hair dryers, you know, for your man-perm. They key thing is that the hair dryer is reserved for the head. Never in my life have I looked at a hair dryer and thought, "Screw this towel thing, I am blow-drying myself!" So, what, could possibly possess you guys from using the blow dryer, that again, is a communal blow dryer, to clean, a. your genitals, or b. the crack of your ass? I mean, do you not realize you are not alone in the room? When I saw a guy drying his ass crack, I was mortified and thankful I don't have enough hair to even consider blow drying it.
See the key thing is, guys need to wake up and remember, you aren't at home, and you are not in private. Plus, others are going to use stuff, or sit where you are. And last thing guys, if you get a phone call in the locker room, please, please don't put one leg up on the bench, with your polo shirt on, sans pants or underwear. I don't need to see Johhny Businessman and all this glory as if he was doing deep knee bends without pants.
Now ladies, I have heard, from a very reliable source, you aren't much better. The difference is, men, really don't care about how we look in the locker room, we are just oblivous as to what we are doing. My understanding is that some of you ladies like to be on display. Like the ones who put on thier make-up with no clothes on. Or those who prance about the locker room, with nothing on, hoping to get some attention. What kind, I don't know, but, from what I understand, there are some proud ladies out there, who need to re-think that whole thing.
Here's the deal, anyone who knows me, knows I am not a prude, but, please, put something on. I don't care if you look like an Adonis, that's great. But save it for your lady, not for the boys. We get it, your buff, and fake-tanned. Congrats. Me, I am thinking of getting a treadmill for my place. With baseball season approaching, I don't know if I can handle trying to catch the Sox score with a bunch of sweaty naked guys hudled around the TV.
