This past weekend I headed south, to tackle a marathon and put a big punctuation mark on my comeback from surgery just a 5 short months ago. The training was good, the nutrition was solid, I was mentally in a good place. Having spent time with Nate and John out of Crossfit DuPage, following Jen's plan, with Bmack's guidance along the way, I was confident no matter the circumstances, I was getting to that "indestructible" form that every athlete seeks.
I knew the weather would be cooler, and that plays to my strengths, always having done well in the cold. Until Sunday, December 19, 2010. The "Run the Ranch" Marathon, in Springfield, MO, made me realize that I was still human and had a little more healing to do.
As the race started, it was about 40 degrees, with decent winds. Actually, it was a pretty decent day. And as the race began, I felt great, clicking along comfortably through the first of 8 loops, sitting pretty in 3rd place. My legs were fresh, and responding well. But as I came through the 4 mile marker, I noticed something wasn't right. My right shoulder felt stiff, stiffer than normal, and rather cold. I was in a singlet, figuring it was the smartest move clothing wise. But as the race went on, I realized it was a mistake. The cold, wind, and my sweat, began to freeze that metal plate and screws which sat just below my skin. Now, I have thick skin, but not thick enough to keep out the cold. By mile 6, I knew there was a serious problem. My shoulder was clicking, and locking up. Loop 2 had me grimacing and gritting teeth, reminded of a pain I hadn't felt in almost 5 full months.
Mentally, I figured I could muscle through it, keep moving the shoulder, warm it up, loosen it up, anything, but the wind howled, and by mile 9, my shoulder had shut down. I couldn't move it in any direction that wouldn't cause shooting pain through my shoulder to my neck. The human body being an amazing machine, was already in protect mode, the muscles around the right clavicle starting to tighten up around the clavicle now causing me to hunch to one side and run lop-sided. But I was not willing to give up, still running really well, sitting in 3rd. In a marathon. 30 seconds off the leader. But this time, it wasn't meant to be.
By the half-way mark, I was toast. The pain was blinding now, and I stopped to puke after a seriously hard wave of it hit me. I had to make a choice - risk doing some really serious damage that might require my doctor to go back in, or call it a day, get warm, and get home. I chose the smart path, I jogged to a stop, took off my chip, and immediately looked for the med tent to make sure I wasn't in too bad of shape. I was completely locked upright on my side, my right shoulder was aching. The doctor on site took a good look, explained the cold, mixed with the sweat and wind, was freezing the plate in my shoulder, which was now starting to cut into the bone. If I hadn't stopped, that plate would have come apart, screws and all, and caused me to go back under the knife. The hard part - I hit the half mark at 1:19, and my legs felt fine. I mean really fine.
Once in the car and headed home, I had a few seconds to email friends and family about what happened. As I sat in the passenger seat, talking to Jen, I was reassured I did the right thing. But the biggest nod I got that I did the right thing came from Brian McKenzie - in an email he simply said - "You did the right f'ing thing. Now take a day off and stop feeling sorry for yourself". This coming from the toughest guy I know, a truly indestructible machine. Those words coming from him let me reflect on what I did, and it was clear - although I have healed faster than anyone thought, although I was able to get more fit while recovering, it didn't mean I was indestructible. But its not an excuse either. This plate in my shoulder isn't going to stop me from still getting fitter, faster, stronger. It just means I need to be smarter. It doesn't mean I am going to baby the shoulder now, just be cognizant in certain situations that its there. My doc agreed when I saw him today. He said without question, if I kept running, he would be cutting me back open. So I know I made the right call.
About a month ago when I told my Dad that I was declared fully healed by my doctor, he reminded me even Superman had his kryptonite. He was right about one part - I might have kyrptonite, but now that I know it, I can work on how to overcome it, to not let it slow me down. As a test, I ran 6 miles today. I bundled up correctly, and went outdoors. I felt fine. Yeah the shoulder is still sore, but its tolerable. And there is my hope, smart with toughness gets you farther.
The 2011 season starts January 30. That's a little over 5 weeks. And in a few days, my shoulder will be back to normal, my body well rested and ready to train. And I will be chomping at the bit to get after it. Life is going to do this to you - knock you in the ass when you least expect it, when you feel at your strongest, and b/c you aren't paying attention, you are also at your most vulnerable. So I got knocked in the dirt. That's ok, that's not bad. That's the opening to get up, dust off, and come back swinging. Once you realize life is full of set backs, you are more prepared to deal with them calmly, and efficiently, manuevering through them, and getting back to high ground. This all comes down to faith - faith in your coach, faith in your support group and most importantly, faith in yourself. To become truly indestructible, you need that faith in yourself, to be able to shake off the nay-sayers and do what you know is right for you. To be humble, to be proud, to be strong, open to change, open to learning more about yourself and let go of your fears. To me, this is an exciting time, time to take a leap of faith, in me. I wish all of you the same.
Happy holidays,
Guy
